Went out to relive my youth and visit my kin.Goldthwaite, Blanket and Brownwood, Texas.
Yesterday I tried to quit smoking
but my lungs ached until I gave in
and sucked down that smoke until the agitation became
something like peace, as much peace as you can have
in the middle of this goddamned war.
I’ve been in Vietnam ten days but I’ve already feel like we have lost.
I see so many young kids,
so many fresh faces only wanting to serve their country
and do their best, and still I know that half of them will die.
Half of them will be shot down like dogs in the mud,
forsaking their one most precious possession-life-
for a man they have never met and a liberty they
will never grow up to experience. Why
am I here? Twenty eight and still trying to please my father.
The land here is green but so is dog shit. Ten days I’m here
and I already know it’s a lost cause. So after a moment’s contemplation,
I life this cigarette,
and take a drag.
Old Tunnel State Park and Grapetown, Texas, both outside of Fredericksburg on Old San Antonio Road. I want to go back to see the bats!
Monument Hill/Kreische Brewery State Historic Site, La Grange, Texas
You’re here again, visiting a part of your youth,
trying to hang onto some memories you’d be better off discarding
but there you are, very real and very naked,
your hands on my shoulders.
Head thrown back.
This is how I remember you best:
10 years of closeness, of loss.
Drugs, children, friends disappearing and our parents gone,
you and I gone,
and in my head it’s only a montage of fucking.
Or at least it started out as fucking.
Now you are such a part of me that even when our bodies,
these heavy sacks of flesh,
we, our souls, our selves, will not.
And as I’m diving into you
once again, after this long year of exile,
I think about the year when you were 17
and I was 18, recently clean
and about to leave you for the first time.
We took that boat and cut its moorings;
pointing the bow to a spot on the horizon
where we imagined the stars met the water
and we would be bathed in the cosmos.
We sailed for miles and I couldn’t stop looking at you.
The moon bathed your pale breasts
and the wind caught your hair
lifting it from your shoulders;
your youth on display to the night sky.
I charted a course for infinity, yet we did not speak.
Instead you knelt before me,
took me in your mouth,
and showed me you loved me the only way you knew how.
The sighing sails overhead and
the creaking ropes
lent cadence to your rhythm.
Your tongue slid off of me and I pulled you to my mouth,
and in our passion we sank to the deck.
You were hot and eager in my arms.
Our flesh stuck together in the humid air
and every separation of it felt like an extended absence.
Finally, with ship anchored and sails at luff,
I parted you like the sea
although I am not Moses
and my staff is not carved of wood.
Your voice, my voice combined with the waves
for the making of a wicked rosary
and the ocean itself strove to imitate our movements
I felt your body swell and release underneath me
and as you whispered my name
I met your eyes,
reflecting starlight and burning with lust.
I called you Goddess then,
for you and your siren song had stolen my heart,
locked it inside your chest next to your own,
and each tandem beat drew us closer.
Later, we lay in each others arms under
the vast and consuming sky;
your fingers played over my chest and your lips were soft on my neck.
I told you I loved you;
I had just realized it myself
and you kissed the tips of my fingers,
salty with the taste of the sea and you.
"I know," you said as you mounted me again,
as we, the players, danced to our own carnality
under the smiling eyes of God.
It’s your little noises that bring me back
and I groan against you
knowing my son could hear but not caring;
you’re here now, here again, our bodies joined
our souls on fire
and you smell the same
taste the same
feel the same
as 7 years ago
and even if you think your body shames you
you’re a fool
because you’re more beautiful than you were then.
You are my Goddess turned Woman, my Madonna and my Whore
and I, like Prometheus, would gladly suffer for eternity
if I could just show you the fire that hides inside yourself.
So burn me alive with your joy, your lust and your anger;
as that inferno consumes me I will scream your name to the skies.
Lure me in with your siren’s song,
let me crash upon the rocks of your desire
and drown with your face in my eyes.
We’ll steal that boat again and sail into the sunset; into our youth,
our naked bodies painted by the heavens
and I will love you under the stars
until we become like blissful ghosts in a fast retreating summer night.
Fall Color at Lake Brownwood
For more check out my tumblr @ NM Traveler
Longhorn cattle grazing near Groesbeck
Grimes County Courthouse in Anderson, TX
A classic at sunrise
A classic at sunrise
More springtime in #Alberta! #backroads #beautiful
Fayette County courthouse, La Grange